30 for 30

My friend Scott wrote this for me.

Thirty good things about turning thirty

1. When they say on the news that Omaha police are looking for a white female in her late 20s, you know they can’t be looking for you.

2. Wes won’t feel quite as old introducing his wife who is still in her 20s.

3. You can start lying about your age.

4. It is probably easier to sign thirty than twenty-nine.

5. You can say you lived in FIVE different decades on New Years Day.

6. It’s a lot more fun drinking because you don’t do it as often as you did in your 20s.

7. You get to go to a job every day with the knowledge you’ll be doing this for another 35 to 40 years.

8. You can wear bifocals without feeling like you are too young for them.

9. You feel great when you get carded.

10. You are younger than ESPN.

11. People get to tell you, “at least you aren’t turning 40.”

12. Six year olds can ask you what it was like to see dinosaurs.

13. Some guys find crow’s feet at the corner of your eyes attractive.

14. No more worrying about acne, now you can worry about gray hair.

15. You are one year closer to collecting a pension and social security!

16. Nobody is going to say “Lordy, Lordy, look who’s 30.”

17. The younger generation can call on your vast knowledge of Cosby Show, Doogie Howser, Growing Pains, Who’s the Boss, and Cheers episodes.

18. You can tell high school freshman, “I am twice your age and I never…”

19. When you have a kid people won’t wonder why you had kids so young.

20. You will never have to go through the grief of turning 30 ever again.

21. Thirty year olds are still going up the hill.

22. When you complain about your sore back people just write it off to being 30.

23. You have 20 more years to do all those things you want to do before you are 50.

24. There are five more years to plan your first presidential campaign and Obama will be out of office so you won’t have to face him in the election.

25.  You have license to tell long, boring stories about walking uphill in snow to school.

26. Going to bed at 9:30 is because you are old, no other reason. “I am old” works.

27.  Three hundred years ago you’d practically be a senior citizen.

28. You have outlived Janis Joplin, Heath Ledger, and James Dean.

29. You can blame a whole year of indulgences, eating chocolate, buying things, on needing comfort after this milestone.

30. People give you lists like this and it just isn’t so bad.